Thrive for the People
  • Home
  • Our Team
    • Julianna Fetner, LMFT
    • Jennifer Chain, PhD
    • Join Our Team >
      • Full-Time Clinician
  • Services
    • Depression Treatment
    • Anxiety Treatment
    • Trauma Treatment
    • Relationship with Food and Body
    • Couples & Marriage Counseling
    • Multicultural Counseling
    • Online Counseling
    • Professional Consultation
  • Fees and Documents
  • Blog
  • Recommended Reading
  • Contact

​When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.

Audre Lorde


Request Free Consultation

When life gives you a box of crayons

3/13/2017

1 Comment

 
Picture
At age 30, I am struggling with delay of gratification more than ever before. Delay of gratification is the ability to hold out for a bigger reward or pleasure when there is something tempting right in front of you. For example, I have a hard time saying "no" to a fun trip with friends when I should be saving money toward bigger life goals such as getting out of student loan debt or buying a house. Recently, I heard a wonderful podcast by On the Media titled "Busted: America's Poverty Myths #2 Who Deserves to be Poor?" that helped explain why I am struggling so much with delay of gratification and self control. This podcast episode is part of a 5 part series on the American poverty myths. The whole series is really worth a listen. But on this blog post, I am going to focus on the study on delay of gratification that is mentioned in the beginning of this podcast episode. ​
The "marshmallow study" is a classic test of delay of gratification for children. The children are given one marshmallow and told by the researchers, "You can eat this now or if you wait for 15 minutes, I will give you a second marshmallow when I come back." It is of course excruciatingly hard for children to wait 15 minutes with a tasty treat right in front of them. The ability to wait, based on this simple test, has been shown to be correlated with better outcomes and success later in life. That is one powerful marshmallow!

In a new study, the researchers from University of Rochester showed that previous experiences can greatly impact the ability to delay gratification. These researchers gave the children a box of crappy crayons or stickers and then promised them a new set of art supplies if they waited. For half of the children, the researcher came back with new supplies as promised; for the other half, the researchers returned and apologized, saying that they do not have the new supplies after all. Then the children were given the marshmallow test. The children who received the promised new art supplies were able to wait much longer for the second marshmallow compared to the children who did not receive the promised art supplies. Makes sense right? When life promises you shinny new boxes of crayons but then gives you crappy ones, it's going to be so much harder to delay gratification next time and trust that life will keep its promises. 

When life promises you shinny new boxes of crayons but then gives you crappy ones, it's going to be so much harder to delay gratification next time and trust that life will keep its promises. 

As I reflect on my past, I realized that my experiences growing up with financial hardships, immigrating to the U.S., and going to grad school all added to my experiences of "crappy crayons." It's no wonder that at this time in my life, when I finally have some financial, professional and personal freedom, I am having a hard time waiting for the rewards down the road. Now that I know this is crappy-crayon-phenomenon exists, I can practice self-compassion for the times when I chose an instant gratification over the long term goals. I can also be more intentional about giving myself "new crayons" in the forms of small rewards (e.g., a chocolate bar, a bath, a cup of tea) so that I do not feel so depleted and deprived.  

How do you practice delay of gratification? 
1 Comment
Sara Clark link
4/1/2017 06:14:58 am

I am enjoying your blog. I appreciate the sharing of resources like this one and adding your personal take on the matter. Thanks Jenni!

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    We created this blog to share information about living a healthy, happy, and fulfilling life. We are constantly learning new things and making mistakes along the way. This blog is our way of chronicling our discoveries, musing, and lessons learned as people and professionals. We invite you to come along on our journey of self reflection, discovery, and thriving with challenges. We also hope to exchange wisdom and enlightenment from you, our readers. ​

    The information provided in this blog is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. 

    Archives

    May 2020
    March 2020
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    April 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017

    Categories

    All
    30s
    Alternative Medicine
    Anxiety
    Asking
    Blogging
    Body Awareness
    Body Image
    Career
    Childhood Emotional Neglect
    Courage
    COVID
    Delay Of Gratification
    Depression
    Emotion Management
    Faith
    Fear
    Forgiveness
    Givers And Helpers
    Happiness
    Journaling
    Loneliness
    Meditation
    Men And Masculinity
    Neuroscience
    Positive Psychology
    Poverty
    PTSD
    Rape
    Reflection
    Rejection
    Relationship
    Resilience
    Responsibility
    Self Acceptance
    Self Care
    Self Compassion
    Self Sabotage
    Self Worth
    Sexual Assault
    Sexual Harassment
    Sexual Violence
    Shame
    Sleep
    Stigma
    Therapy
    Transitions
    Trauma
    Uncertainty
    Vulnerability
    Women And Femininity

    RSS Feed

work with Us

Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if we are a good fit.
Request Free Consultation

Contact

Phone: 206-403-1148
Fax: 206-800-1091
contact@thriveforthepeople.com
​5306 Ballard Ave NW #212
Seattle, WA 98107

Location

  • Home
  • Our Team
    • Julianna Fetner, LMFT
    • Jennifer Chain, PhD
    • Join Our Team >
      • Full-Time Clinician
  • Services
    • Depression Treatment
    • Anxiety Treatment
    • Trauma Treatment
    • Relationship with Food and Body
    • Couples & Marriage Counseling
    • Multicultural Counseling
    • Online Counseling
    • Professional Consultation
  • Fees and Documents
  • Blog
  • Recommended Reading
  • Contact