When you think of depression, you probably think of sadness, lack of energy, and low mood. You might not think of anger, irritability, and frustration as signs of depression. But for many people, including teenagers and men, irritability may actually be one of the few visible signs of the internal experience of depression. Understanding the link between your anger and depression can actually help you cope with both.
Anger is often, but not always, experienced as a negative emotion following an unwanted event. You probably actively seek to avoid or minimize situations that cause you to feel angry. Anger may also show up as aggression or violence, and you probably know from experience that being on the receiving end of someone else’s anger is also almost always an unpleasant experience. But anger is also an important emotion that can be a powerful force for healing and change.
What Does Anger Look Like in Depression?
If you are dealing with depression, anger can come in the form of irritability. If you are dealing with constant emotional pain, you might have less bandwidth to tolerate the normal everyday frustrations we all experience. The energy spent just surviving your pain from one day to the next can make unexpected irritations feel so much more exhausting. Anger in depression is also often directed inward. You might be familiar with self-judgement and guilt, but depression can supercharge these thoughts and feelings into incessant self-criticism and shame. Finally, when you are feeling depressed, anger might be a valid response to unwanted events, but you may suppress this anger out of fears of judgment, conflict, or invalidation. Culture, societal norms, and upbringing also influence how you deal with your emotions and what is considered “appropriate” anger. You might find yourself expressing anger passively, like giving subtle hints of anger mixed into otherwise neutral or positive verbal and nonverbal communication (think sarcasm, self-deprecating humor, or giving someone the “cold shoulder”). On the other hand, you might notice yourself showing anger more aggressively by yelling, intimidating, or having violent outbursts.
Anger is a Gift
Anger itself is an intense and powerful emotion. On a neurological level, anger can increase heart rate, elevate blood pressure, and flood your body with adrenaline and noradrenaline (hormones that activate the body and prepare it for action). It can come on quickly, within milliseconds of a perceived threat. It is the “fight” part of our “fight, flight, or freeze” response. Without anger, people would be helpless to recognize and defend themselves against the many threats we have had to face throughout our history. As a social species that depends on each other to survive and thrive, your anger is also an important part of the health of your complex interpersonal relationships. While you may still encounter physical threats that elicit anger, you are much more likely to have to deal with anger in your interactions with others. Here are some of the ways anger can help you in your relationships with others and with yourself:
- Anger is an Alarm System - It alerts you to emotional threats, injustices, violations, such as when others cross your boundaries, treat you unfairly, or do something you don’t like. If you are depressed, recognizing and validating your anger can help you understand more about what is hurting you, or about your emotional needs that are not being met.
- Anger Motivates You to Take Action - whether it comes on fast or slow, anger focuses your mind on a problem and urges you to do something about it. When you are feeling depressed, anger can provide a burst of motivation and energy that cuts through apathy or despair.
- Anger Empowers You to Change - When channeled constructively, anger can fuel growth and revolution. As an example, you can look to social justice movements that have channeled anger into action that has led to more freedom and equality at a societal level. At the root of these movements is an understanding that we all have dignity, deserve fairness, and are worth fighting for. The same principles apply within you: anger lights up when your dignity has been violated, it tells you that you deserve better, and pushes you to speak up. When you do so effectively, you can begin to feel worthy, competent, and passionate.
Using Anger as a Healing Tool
In order to use anger as a force for positive change, you will need to learn to respond to anger deliberately. As you have seen, anger wants you to act NOW, and while it might feel good to let out raw anger in the moment, it often causes more damage to you and your relationships in the long run, giving more fuel to the depression fire. Instead, it can be helpful to think of anger as the messenger telling you there’s a problem. From there, you will need to slow down, listen to your other emotions (that might be quieter but just as important), and consult with your rational mind to actually address the underlying problem.
Begin Depression Therapy in Seattle
Therapy can provide the space for you to check in with your emotions and explore the underlying issues. Therapy can help you learn how to avoid the extremes of passive anger and aggressive anger, and find the middle path of assertiveness. It is important to have a therapist by your side who isn’t afraid of the intensity of depression or anger, who appreciates the dignity behind the anger, and who can help you learn to respond rather than react to your emotions. You have dignity. You deserve better. You can speak up.
Here at Thrive for the People, we have a team of compassionate and skilled therapists who understand depression and the irritability, frustration, and anger that often come with it. If you are ready to start your journey toward reclaiming your dignity, schedule a free consultation call with a team member to see if we would be a good fit for your needs.
