What to Do If You Feel Lonely in Your Relationship
Loneliness in relationship is common. According to a national survey conducted by AARP, 34% of married people above 45 years old reported feeling lonely. In my work as a couples therapist, loneliness is one of the main reasons that couples seek counseling. Although it is common, feelings of loneliness in your relationship is not healthy and should not be ignored. Loneliness is a sign of distress in a relationship that needs to be identified, validated, and addressed.
Signs of Loneliness in Relationship
Here are some common signs of loneliness in a romantic relationship:
Why Do Couples Feel Lonely in Their Relationship?
Loneliness in a relationship can stem from causes within yourself and/or is co-created with your partner. The first step is to identify the causes of loneliness.
Loneliness Due to Your Internal Barriers
It is possible to be in a warm, supportive, and loving relationship with an emotionally available partner and yet still feel lonely. In that case, the loneliness may be due to:
If any of these resonates with you, it is time to seek professional help from a therapist to address your relationship with yourself, break down the defenses and barriers within so you can finally feel the connectedness, love, and belonging that is provided by your partner.
Loneliness Caused by Relationship Distress
Loneliness can also be a sign that you and your partner are not feeling connected and something is amiss in your relationship. This could be a sign that you need to put more time and energy into the relationship to rebuild a foundation of trust, support, care, and attunement. In that case, the loneliness may be due to:
If you and your partner are experiencing these struggles in your relationship, seek help and support from a knowledgeable couples counselor who can help you communicate your needs, navigate conflict, and reestablish trust and intimacy.
Three Strategies to Talk to Your Partner About Loneliness in Your Relationship
Begin Couples Counseling in Our Ballard Office
Loneliness is a sign of distress in a relationship. You do not have to live with the feeling of emptiness, hopelessness, or despair. It is possible to feel deeply connected with your partner and satisfied in your relationship again. If you and your partner are struggling with loneliness and disconnection, you may benefit from couples counseling. Working with a therapist who understands the foundations of trust and intimacy can help you get unstuck from the negative cycle and rekindle the spark that drew you together in the beginning. Contact us to learn more about the evidence-based couples therapy approach that we use. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if one of our couples counselors is a good fit for you.