“Isn’t hate merely the result of wounded love?”
Are you and your partner stuck in a pattern of conflict and disconnect? Do you feel like the relationship is a source of stress rather than a refuge from your day? Are you avoiding difficult conversations because you don’t know how to resolve things peacefully? Do you feel like you are missing each other all the time in your communication and end up frustrated and angry? Maybe you miss the times when you were in love, when being together was light and fun, and when you felt like a team. Maybe you no longer feel the spark and the romance because you’ve both been so busy and wrapped up in work, family, and responsibilities.
Rough patches in relationships are normal. However, if the negative cycles have taken over your relationship and you are feeling more alone than together, it is a good time to get some extra help and support. A dedicated and skilled couples therapist can help you understand the patterns in your dynamic, identify what you are feeling and needing from your partner, help you communicate your feelings to each other in ways that you each can hear them, and help you respond to each other’s needs accurately. This is the foundation for clear communication, trust, and intimacy.
If you and your partner are struggling in your relationship and you are ready to make a change together, our skilled couples therapists are ready to help. If you have questions about couples therapy, please reach out and contact us. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if couples counseling at Thrive for the People is the right fit for you.
Attachment to our partner is a powerful force that can be both destructive and healing. After the relationships with our parents, the bond with our partner is the second most important relationship in our lives. Humans have evolved as social creatures and we have survived and thrived as a species because of our ability to connect and bond with one another. Not very long ago, if a person becomes disconnected from or rejected by the family or community it meant certain death because we could not survive for long by ourselves. Now, when we feel disconnected from our partners, our brain sends panic signals that tell us we are in danger of dying. It is no wonder that when couples have conflicts, it can trigger intense emotions and past traumas as well as lock the couple into a negative pattern that feels out of control. The couple is, in many ways, fighting for their lives.
Couples may become caught in a familiar pattern of conflicts where one partner pursues and the other partner withdraws. At the core of the conflicts are deeper longings and needs to be understood, seen, supported, and loved. Beneath the anger, resentment, and silence, partners are asking each other:
Here at Thrive for the People, we use the Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) approach to couples therapy. EFT is the most research-backed form of couples therapy. Research shows that EFT is highly effective in reducing stress in the relationship and improving relationship satisfaction. Couples report that after EFT couples therapy they feel emotionally, psychologically, sexually, physically, and intellectually closer to their partners. The results of EFT couples therapy are long-lasting and transformational. Couples who complete the full course of EFT therapy do not tend to relapse back into their negative patterns or need additional treatment. They tend to maintain the progress they made in therapy and continue to improve upon their relationship.
When you enter into couples therapy with one of our skillful couples counselors, they will first take time to learn about both of you and understand the existing dynamics in your relationship. Your therapist will ask you about your family history, current stressors, recurrent conflicts, past hurts, longings, and needs. You will explore together the negative patterns that you are stuck in. You will unpack your emotions, both the surface emotions that are easy to express and the more vulnerable ones that may be hidden underneath. You will practice new ways to communicate, connect, and bond with each other in your sessions.
A complete couples therapy process can be expensive. However, the cost of divorce or separation can be more costly for the couple and their family. The emotional and financial cost of separation or divorce can have short-term and long-term consequences, sometimes across generations. If you and your partner believe that there is a chance to save your relationship and improve upon it for good, couples therapy can be worth the financial investment.
There are several circumstances where Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is not the best approach for a couple. Those include:
Emotionally focused couples therapy may not be the best fit for every couple but it is the most effective when the couple is willing to dig deep, committed to change, and invested in the process. Couples therapy can be challenging but the reward of a loving relationship is worth the effort. You and your partner can maximize your chance of success by:
You will know you are making progress in couples therapy when:
Relationships can be challenging. But if you and your partner are ready to put in the work, we can help. Through couples counseling, you and your partner can break free from the negative cycles, understand each other more deeply, re-establish a loving bond with each other, and bring joy back into your relationship. If you are dating or want to work on your romantic relationship individually, we provide individual therapy with a focus on relationships. If what you’ve read here resonates with you, we encourage you to reach out and contact us today. We can help answer any questions you might have about couples counseling: what types of therapy are available, what the process is like, and how to get started. We can schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to get to know you and your relationship better and see how couples & marriage counseling can help you find your way to a deeper level of trust, connection, and intimacy.
Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if we are a good fit.
5306 Ballard Ave NW, Suite 212,