Worn Down By A Toxic Workplace? Try These Tips to CopeThink about starting work tomorrow. How do you feel? Do you notice your body tighten, your breath becomes shorter, your heart racing? Do you feel a sense of dread, anxiety, or exhaustion? Do you feel trapped, helpless, and unsure how to get out? Are you working for the weekends? Do you spend your Sundays worried and anxious about what may happen in the upcoming work week? Does your boss’ name or voice make you cringe? If some of these examples seem relatable, there is a good chance you are worn down by a toxic work environment. How can you know for sure? Consider some of the following signs. Signs of A Toxic WorkplaceA toxic workplace is a negative work environment that is harmful to your mental and emotional well-being. The stress caused by a toxic workplace can manifest in chronic stress, physical distress, conflict with coworkers, and lagging productivity. Possible signs of a toxic workplace include: Abuse and IntimidationIf insults, belittling language, sarcasm, veiled threats, or repeated subtle digs are frequently experienced by you or other employees, you may be experiencing workplace bullying, intimidation, and abuse. Employers and coworkers do not have the right to belittle or threaten you. Bullies in the workplace often try to intimidate others by creating an environment that does not tolerate disagreement and opposing ideas. Suppression can be outwardly malicious or confusingly underhanded. If you are told that your feelings are wrong, you are being "too sensitive," or having a "thick skin" is a good quality, these can also be signs of emotional abuse and manipulation.  Constant CompetitionOn the one hand, working in a place that does not tolerate opposing ideas can be toxic. On the other hand, a workplace that encourages workers to oppose each other all the time and tear each other down is also toxic. If you feel like you are constantly defending yourself against attacks and criticism about your competency, intelligence, and work-ethic, you might be experiencing an unhealthy level of competition. A competitive work environment where workers are pitted against each other can create low morale and toxic work relationships. Poor Communication, Expectations, and SystemsWork expectations, guidelines, and systems that are vague, unfocused, constantly changing, or subjective can be unsettling. You may feel like your goals are moving targets and you are never getting it right or doing enough. In addition, you may feel like you can never get a handle on the work priorities. Your workplace culture may feel chaotic and disorganized. This lack of clear communication, expectations, and systems can be disruptive and hinder your ability to perform and achieve to the best of your abilities. Poor Work/Life BoundariesAre you getting text messages from your boss at 2 am in the morning expecting a response? Are your coworkers bragging about how late they stayed at work or how much they worked on vacation? A lack of clear boundaries between work and home life can set expectations that you should be available 24/7 and that your personal time is not your own. If you find yourself checking work email, if you are unable to relax during your down time, or if your boundaries are constantly challenged and disrespected by your leaders and coworkers, you might be experiencing poor boundaries at work.  Favoritism and BiasDo you feel overworked or under-utilized compared to your peers? Perhaps there is a strong undercurrent of favoritism or nepotism in the organization that undermines your efforts. In a work environment where favoritism and bias are present, opportunities, acknowledgement, advancements and promotions are not based on merit or effort. Some employees may be expected to do very little while others take on the bulk of the workload. Some employees may advance quickly through the ranks while others are passed up for promotions year after year. When you look at the leadership in your organization, do you see people who share your identities? Or are people of certain identities (e.g., gender, race, ability, citizenship status) dominate the leadership demographic? Favoritism, nepotism, and bias can be mentally and emotionally taxing. Poor Mood and Low MoraleA persistent lack of motivation or enthusiasm, pressure, overwork, negativity, and boredom is exhausting over time. A work environment where you and your co-workers feel apathetic, dispassionate, and dissatisfied can be draining. This is likely to impact your relationships at work and home. If the toxicity has seeped in long enough, you might find yourself and workers around you numb, depressed, anxious, and irritable. When a workplace has low morale, you will often see high turn over rates in both employees and leadership. Strategies to Cope with Your Toxic WorkplaceIf you cannot leave your work right away, the next best option may be to use healthy coping strategies to manage your current work situation while you plot out a long-term exit plan.  Take BreaksTake regular breaks throughout your workday to help break up your day, reset, and disengage from the toxicity. If regular breaks are not possible, bring a water bottle to the office with you. Not only will you stay hydrated, but it also gives you a chance to step away from your desk to refill it and clear your mind. Take the full lunch break away from your work. Instead of working through lunch to catch up, leave your workspace to sit down and eat your meal. Scheduling longer breaks, vacations, and mental health days may be helpful. To mitigate depression, burnout, and anxiety, a mental health day can help you recharge, meet with your therapist, and identify your exist strategies. Prioritize What Brings You JoySetting boundaries with work when dealing with a toxic work environment is crucial. When you are off the clock, try your best to keep work separate from your home life. Fill your time at home with activities and people that bring your joy. Schedule much-needed time with friends. Incorporate some self-care with a bike ride, a bath, or a massage. Use the weekends as a way to get outside, move your body, and enjoy nature. Whatever it is that makes you happy, prioritize them intentionally so you can build up the cushion of resilience you will need to face your toxic workplace. Know Your WorthOvertime, toxic work environments can chip away at your self-esteem, self-awareness, and self-worth. You might come to doubt yourself because your work environment and the people in give you an inaccurate and diminished view of yourself. You can combat this erosion of your worth by intentionally reminding yourself of your value and contributions. Spend some time thinking about your strengths and accomplishments. Look back on all of the tasks and projects you accomplished. Take time to reflect on the positive feedback you received from clients, supervisors, and coworkers. Consider your achievements since starting in your career. List them, read them, recite them routinely.  Seek Professional HelpYou spend the majority of your life engaged in work. Finding happiness and satisfaction in your work and career is an important part of having a purposeful and fulfilling life. If you are feeling stuck, unhappy, anxious and depressed due to a toxic work environment, it may be time to seek extra support. In addition to friends, family, mentors, and coworkers, a therapist who specializes in workplace stress and burnout can provide you with the extra support you need to make significant changes in your career. We invite you to reach out to us to see if we can help. You can schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to learn more about our services and see if one of our workplace and career specialists can be a good fit for you.
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Baby-Proofing Your Relationship: How New Parents Can Create an Even Deeper BondIn the months leading up to welcoming a new baby, and even months after the baby finally arrives, you’re spending a lot of time reading, prepping, and planning. You’re babyproofing your entire house, and your list will probably include some of the below:
New parents may want to spend extra time baby-proofing their relationship. Parenthood can be one of the most challenging transitions that you will both make together. It will challenge your priorities, identities, expectations for yourselves, of each other, and for the relationship. Here’s are a few ways that new parents can create an even deeper bond post-baby.  Practice PatienceIt’s best to have open communication so you and your partner can communicate your wants and needs to one another, especially during the transition period. Practice patience for yourself as you adjust to this new role and practice patience for your partner while they make the transition. Take time each day for self-care and to care for the relationship. Often times the stress and urgency of caring for a new born means that parents are prioritizing time for themselves for their relationship. Know that caring for yourself and your partner is not taking away from your baby, it is adding to the strong foundation from where they will grow. There will be good and bad days. You’re going to be learning a lot about your baby, as well as each other. You may be exhausted from little to no sleep while focusing all of your attention on the needs of your baby. Reach out for help to your partner if you’re feeling overwhelmed. You have each other to lean on for support, even more so now. Divide, Delegate and ConquerSimilar to sharing household chores, you’re going to want to divide and conquer all of the baby’s needs as well. Find a routine that works best for both of you and helps conserve energy. If you find that you are too exhausted to connect, consider ways to outsource some of your responsibilities for a while. Consider getting help for the housework, yardwork, grocery shopping, or childcare. Hire a personal assistant to help you manage your calendar and appointments. Hire a night nanny so that you and your partner can get some quality sleep. Subscribe to a meal delivery service so you will always have fresh and nutritious food in the fridge. Do what you need to temporarily to find your footing as a couple, decrease resentment, and keep your relationship balanced.  Recognize the Need for Your VillageThere is no better time to seek out support now. Historically, parents have NOT been the only ones caring for a newborn. We are meant to thrive in a village where we can lean on friends and family to raise a child. Let your in-laws, best friends, siblings, and neighbors help. Take them up on it when they offer help. Let them take the baby for an afternoon while the two of you go for a long walk or have a picnic without interruptions. You can swap childcare with other families to return the favor. Find Time to Connect & Communicate MeaningfullyFinding alone time can become much harder when you welcome a new baby. Try to plan regular date nights, so you can still have alone time, just the two of you. Parenting doesn’t mean that you have to stop dating. The key is schedule, schedule, schedule. Time is precious now. Prioritize time together much like a project manager trying to reach a goal. Use your technology, calendar, and reminders to keep your time together top-of-mind. Even if you don’t have someone to watch your baby or if you can’t leave the house, you can still have alone time together. Here are a few creative ways to appreciate your time alone together:
 Adjust Your Intimacy ExpectationsLife with children will likely change your sex life but sex is still an important aspect of connection and bonding with your partner. The timing must be adjusted, the energy wanes, and even foreplay must be reconsidered. Managing your expectations, communicating your needs and desires, prioritizing sex, and being creative can make a real difference in keeping intimacy alive and mutually satisfying. Consider Couples Counseling to Foster ClosenessWorking with a couples therapist can help you get ahead of issues and resolve anything under the surface. With the right support, you and your partner can find peace, joy, healing, and deeper bonding through this time. If what you’ve read here resonates with you and you are ready to invest in your relationship and the health and well-being of your family, we look forward to hearing from you. If you have questions about couples therapy, we have answers. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation today and see if one of our compassionate therapists is the right fit for you.
The Link Between Social Media and DepressionOur phones are often one of the first things we reach for when we wake up in the morning and the last thing we touch before bed. Is the goal to check in with loved ones, connect deeply, and wish each other well? Not likely, most of us want to see what we missed. Whose trending highest on TikTok? How does Twitter say we stack up politically? Whose images on “the Gram” are most enviable? Which inspirational FB quote is getting the most likes? We are realizing that, for too many of us, social media has become all-consuming. Time, once devoted to freedom and creativity, falls victim to merciless and constant comparison, self-promotion, doomscrolling, and approval seeking. Soon, we question and doubt ourselves. Harmful and unproductive thought patterns creep in. We allow ourselves to habitually scroll, comment, and accept unvetted input as our mental health declines.  Social Media Can Cause DepressionThroughout the pandemic, we saw how influential social media has become. News outlets and congresspeople are discussing the harm. Research about its impact has expanded from children and adolescents to parents and grandparents. Until recently, most evidence indicated that social media was simply associated with depression. However, due to a recent study, published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, researchers note a clear causal relationship for the first time. In their work with 143 students, they determined that modifying social media use changed a person’s sense of wellbeing. Loneliness and depressive thinking were alleviated by reduced time on the platforms. So, what happens when we aren’t intentional about restricting social media use? How are we being harmed? Social Media Can Make Us Vulnerable to FOMO & IsolationWe want to be included, to belong. It’s natural and social media amplifies that desire. Being able to click through images of every mixer, dinner party, or networking event you missed or weren’t invited to can play into deep insecurities. It can also make you question relationships you hold dear. Fear of missing out, feeling left out, and isolation can lead to lowered self-esteem that feeds depressive thinking and withdrawal.  Social Media Can Be Persistent & PunishingBorn out of a 50-state survey called the COVID States Project, a team of researchers studied more than 5,000 middle-aged respondents’ relationships with social media. Initially, these participants showed no signs of depression. When they surveyed the group later, Snapchat, Facebook, and TikTok users were more likely to report depression symptoms. Though this research did not determine why depression occurred, it was still useful. The study helped eliminate other causes of the depression. For example, their analysis indicated that exposure to traditional news outlets, social supports, and real-world contact were not primary factors in fluctuating depression levels. Social media, though, did impact depression levels significantly. This may have occurred because social media often acts as a continual, unhelpful information stream of “what might’ve been.” For many, repeated exposure to unrealized versions of happiness, success, or fulfillment is distressing. Similarly, being fed a diet of potentially damaging or emotionally charged content is problematic and painful too. Even Facebook has admitted that social media has a negative impact on their user's mental health. Social Media Can Skew Our Sense of “Enough is Enough”Do you check your platforms between appointments, changes in location, waiting in line at the grocery store, or at every red light? Without a real effort toward self-monitoring social media, it can interfere terribly with healthy choices that protect the mind and body. For example, social media-related sleep deprivation impacts your mood and productivity. Do you compulsively check your phone with every notification? This disrupts your nervous system, sleep cycle, and more. Unaddressed, this kind of use can negatively affect perception, behavior, and responses to people and situations.  How to Stay Positive and Set Social Media LimitsIf you do not want to completely delete your social media apps, you can still ward off depression. Try these ideas to start improving self-awareness and feeling better:
Reach Out for Depression SupportYou do not have to surrender your time and mood to social media. Make time to enjoy life without comparison or internet interference at all. If you are struggling with depression symptoms and are having a hard time finding a way out of the negative patterns fueled by social media, we encourage you to reach out and contact us today. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to learn more about evidence-based depression treatment with our clinic. We would be happy to answer any questions about treatment and customize our support for you. Related Blogs
Social Anxiety After COVIDAre you noticing yourself feel less confident in social settings? This is a common experience for folks these days. Maybe you are finally returning to the office. That wedding finally got put on the calendar. Or maybe you are trying to get back out there and date. These typical social situations might be more nerve-wracking and overwhelming post-pandemic. Returning to a sense of “normal” can be a joyous and celebrated thing but it can also be quite challenging. Change is hard and adjusting to a post-pandemic life has many people feeling more anxious. We have socially distanced, quarantined, and conducted much of our life remotely for two years now. Our worlds got a lot smaller. It has been an immensely difficult period of time for so many people. Although the glimpses of post-pandemic life are hopeful, we still have to confront the adverse effects the pandemic has had on our mental well-being. I know for myself, being around more people and making small-talk has felt taxing. I’ve noticed having more feelings of nervousness and self-doubt before entering a social setting. Many people are experiencing the difficulties of socializing in a post-pandemic life. You’re not alone. You have been through a lot. For many of us, we have gotten out of practice with how to be around people. What Are the Symptoms of Social Anxiety?Social anxiety disorder is the experiencing of fear or anxiety in one or more social situations. You may have symptoms of social anxiety if:
 Social Anxiety is Different from ShynessPeople who are shy do not typically experience intense and out of control fear or anxiety in social situations. Or if they do, they are able to push through the initial discomfort and relax. Shyness does not cause someone psychological distress or lead to avoidance of social situations. People who are shy are still able to live normal lives. Someone who is experiencing social anxiety disorder may be outgoing and extroverted. You can’t always detect if someone is experiencing social anxiety. Since shyness is more of a personality trait, it can often be observed. Did the Pandemic Give Me Social Anxiety?It is likely that someone who experienced symptoms of social anxiety before the pandemic will have similar, if not more exacerbated symptoms, adjusting back to post-pandemic life. For others who have not experienced social anxiety in the past, the re-emerging into social life might still be difficult. You may have practiced your in-person social skills very much in two years. Just like working out, if we don’t go to the gym for two years, our muscles will get weaker. Our social muscles, in a sense, have atrophied during the pandemic. Our brains have been wired during the pandemic to perceive social situations as dangerous. After all, the message for the last couple of years has been to socially distance. Adjusting back to being around more people can feel like a shock to your nervous system. If the brain perceives a threat, it automatically sends your nervous system into fight, flight, or freeze. Re-entering a social setting, like your workplace, may be putting your nervous system on edge. Signs of this happening are:
 The beautiful thing about the human brain is that it is able to regenerate, learn new things, and adapt. This is called neuroplasticity. Our brains adapted to the pandemic in order to keep us safe. And they can once again, adapt and re-learn how to be in social settings. Strategies to Support You as You Find Your Social Rhythm AgainTake Things at Your Own Pace |
